A Message of Forgiveness
I can tell you with 100% certainty that this story is true: It happened to me.
Many years ago, I suffered the worst trauma of my life. Without getting into it, I can say the only thing worse would have been death. As a result, I now live with PTSD, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and more. I wish I could tell you that I remained faithful to God throughout the ordeal, but that would be a lie.
Toward the end of that time, under relentless stress and constant beratement, my entire family—except my wife and children—turned their backs on me. And one night, I broke.
I called God every name I could think of. I accused Him of not being true to His word. I told Him He had abandoned me just when I needed Him the most. In short, I threw a complete and utter temper tantrum. I told Him that if this was His idea of a loving, caring God, then I wanted no part of it. I said we were finished—that if this was how He took care of me, I’d manage just fine on my own.
I take after my mother in many ways. She knew how to hold a grudge. My wife, on the other hand, can get angry, tell you exactly how you’ve failed her, why you’ve failed her, and what the consequences are—and then, in 15 minutes, act like nothing ever happened. Not me. Some people can hold a grudge for a day or a week; I can hold one for a year or more.
I’ve always had obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I don’t call it a disorder because, in some ways, it’s beneficial. My powers of observation are far beyond what most people have. I can hang on to something with a tenacity that others would abandon long ago. I have laser-like focus that lets me concentrate on projects like few others can.
But it also fuels my temper. It infuriates me when someone won’t even listen to what I have to say. I’m easily irritated, and I can go from zero to furious faster than a NASCAR driver. And that’s exactly what I did with God. I spent over a year as a spoiled brat, pouting in the corner, refusing to speak to Him.
But something inside me began to yearn. I missed reading the Bible. Something was missing in my life, and I knew what it was. I missed the fellowship I felt with God during those times. Slowly, I began reading the Bible again. At first, I was too ashamed to even pray. But one night, I had to know the truth: Could I be forgiven?
I prayed a basic prayer from my heart: “Lord, did I go too far? Do You still love me? Can I be forgiven?”
The answer was a thunderous silence. Usually, when I pray, I feel some sense of fellowship with God. Even if I don’t get a direct answer, I feel His presence. This time, there was nothing. I went to bed, hoping I’d get an answer the next day.
The next day came and went. I’ve always been a night owl. Even when I had to get up early in the morning, I’d still stay up until 12:30 or 1 a.m. But that night, I couldn’t sleep. I got up, watched some television, and when I started feeling sleepy, I went to bed. My tablet on the nightstand read: 3:16 a.m.
The following night, I went to bed at my usual time and fell asleep without incident. However, the night after that, I couldn’t sleep again. Like before, I got up, grabbed a snack, and watched TV. When I finally went to bed, the tablet read: 3:16 a.m.
“What a coincidence,” I thought and drifted off.
Over the next ten nights, the same pattern occurred on seven of them. I’d lie there awake, get out of bed, and watch television. And each time, when I went to bed, the tablet would read 3:16 a.m.—not a minute earlier, not a minute later. The exact same time.
I began noticing other patterns too. In a store, the clerk would say, “That’ll be $3.16.” Or I’d pay for something, and they’d say, “Your change is $3.16.” I’d see the number 316 painted beneath a bridge, on a page number, even on a snack’s calorie count. The license plate on the car in front of me. The price of an item on sale in a store. Multiple times a day, I encountered that number.
Now you’re probably starting to understand the message. But I didn’t. It didn’t occur to me at all. More than once, I said aloud, “Lord, I know You’re trying to tell me something, but I don’t get it.” I even emailed a well-known pastor, beginning with: “I know I’m not crazy—at least, I don’t think I am. I have a wife; I have a job…” I explained what was happening to me. Even they didn’t understand and suggested I pray for God to reveal the message to me.
After two weeks of this, I finally prayed, “Okay, God, I give up. What does 316 mean? I know it’s Your message, but what does it mean?”
In that instant, it felt like a veil lifted in my mind. Suddenly, I realized: John 3:16. And then, I remembered the words of my prayer: “Do You still love me? Can I be forgiven?”
Friends, as I sit here writing this, my heart leaps for joy. God went to such great lengths to ensure I knew beyond a doubt that He loves me and forgives me. To this day, whenever I see the number 316, I pause and say, “Thank You, God, for reminding me You love me.” And that was ten years ago this year.
From that moment on, I have never doubted God’s love and forgiveness. How could I? Having experienced such an awesome miracle, my heart is set on one thing: to share that love with you.
Through my testimony, let me assure you that God is just as eager to show His love for you. When I remember that awesome moment when I first saw it clearly, how my body tingled at the revelation of what the last two weeks had been about—I’m still tingling with excitement today. There is nothing special about me. If God is willing to demonstrate His love for me, He will do the same for you.
I can honestly tell you this was a life-changing event. I still struggle terribly with my mental challenges. And there are times when I feel that no one understands me. No one, that is, except God. I never feel alone, because I know I’m never alone. I know that God is as close as a whisper. And I know, I know in my heart, everything will be alright.
Are you struggling? Do you feel guilty over something in your past? I have an answer: John 3:16. Does the enemy throw your previous sins up in your face? John 3:16. You may be thinking right now, “But you don’t know what I’ve done.” You’re right; I don’t. But I have an answer. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever [that’s you, my friend] believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
You may think, “But you don’t know the crowd I was involved with and the groups I was part of.” My friend, your prior life has nothing to do with the here and now. What you need to know is this: There is nothing special about me! I am living proof that if God can forgive me after the horrible way I acted, He can truly forgive anyone. Stop listening to the enemy. God will never throw your sins up in your face. Only Satan does that. In fact, I have a Word from God especially for you: The only people who cannot be forgiven are the ones who do not want to be forgiven.
There are no strings attached. You don’t have to do anything to receive God’s love and forgiveness. If your heart craves fellowship with God, you can and will be forgiven. God is not only willing to forgive you, but He wants to forgive you. He is eager to forgive you! Stop living in a world of guilt, my friend. Stop worrying over a past you cannot change. The future is in front of you, and it’s time you started looking forward. Receive His gift of forgiveness; let go of the past, and march ahead.
In closing, I would like to bless you. In the name of Jesus, may the peace of God settle in your heart and reside there. May you come to know, feel and understand the infinite love God has for you. May you rest in that love forever.
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